Some things just don't make senes.

1. We all have those walls built up. You know those walls that they write songs about? The walls that you tell people about when you want them to feel sorry for you? The walls that you sit around and feel sorry for yourself about? The walls that you so badly want someone to break down when you know very well that you are the only one with the power to do that? It's like we hate having the barriers keeping us away from people, but we feel like if we break them down ourselves it would just be making it too easy for everyone else. Too easy for them to waltz right in, take anything good we have in us, and walk out unscathed. But maybe it is more like, we just feel like we need people to prove themselves to us. Forget the whole "trust someone until they give you a reason not to". No, now it's "make someone work their tails off over and over again to prove to you something that you will never fully believe because you are too insecure and prideful to let somebody in without a hitch. How do insecurity and pride go together? Some things just don't make sense....and i fight it.


2.I've never come home from a soccer game and gone to sleep. Usually I get in the car feeling like I'm literally going to die of exhaustion, but by the time I get out of the car there is so much adrynaline that i could probably climb mount everest if payed enough money. You know what really exhausts me? Things that take no physical exersion what-so-ever. Like a long car ride, or a long day in a doctors office. I just sit there for hours, and yet I come home feeling like i really did just climb mount everest. It doesn't make sense... but i embrace it.


3. I plan out so many 'perfect moments" in my mind. This usually takes place when my mind is idle as i begin to fall asleep. I begin picking out the outfit I will wear when the event will take place. I then pick the perfect co-star in that specific days' thoughts. I decide Where we will be, what will be said, and what events push us into the perfect moment. Then there we are. But you know what? I've had a few moments that I could call perfect. I've found love in someones eyes. I've been close enough to another person to feel that solid heartbeat that reminds me that there is something bigger than both of us inside that body and it is undeniably strong. I've heard the words that everyone longs to hear from someone but better yet I have seen people all around me prove them to be true. And all of these things have occured in perfectly imperfect and not so magical moments. They have happened while laying in a bed too sick to move, or standing outside at two in the morning when it's too dark to even see a "perfect moment" unfold....So what's the point in planning these so called moments when they are always better when they are unexpected? It doesn't make sense..but i love it.

I have come to a time in my life when I am having to make really big decisions. I have to decide what kind of people I want to be influenced by as i finish up my last year of high school, I have to figure out what kind of things I want to spend my time doing, and I am beginning the stages of trying to find what I want to be when I grow up.

At this past summer camp I felt convicted and evaluated these three specific aspects of my life. As far as relationships went, I realized I was putting all of my energy into one or two unhealthy relationships, and neglecting multiple healthy relationships that were knocking on my door. By being so closely knit with people who were bringing me down and causing me to grow up way to fast, I was putting them before God and in that I was creating my own idols.

Ending these relationships has been a very difficult experience but it was done wonderful things for me. One thing it has done is it has shown me what I need to look for in relationships in the future. Also, it taught me that I can fight against God for a very long time in order to get what I want, but having what I want will never make me content. Thirdly, it has made my faith real to me. The speaker at camp told me one night that faith will become real when you make it real; when you make a tough decision that effects your life for God's glory. It has definitely been a struggle but it is no doubt a struggle that is worth it.

Second, As far as how I want to spend my time, I can see how God is really changing my perspective from apathetic to determined. This was not an easy transition but I needed a change of heart and God did what it took to give me that. I look to next school year and I know that most of my time will be spent on school work. I want to get the best grades I can and do the best work I can because only then will God be glorified.

In my years of high school I have definitely learned that procrastinating sounds great, but when I am in the process of putting something out I am always 99% more stressed than I am when I am actually doing the work. I see that really, I have been making life more difficult for myself. I know, however, that I needed to learn this lesson the hard way, because I will never forget it.

Lastly, I evaluated what I want to be when I grow up and I made a few decisions. At summer camp the speaker showed a video about children in Asia. It was a call to missions and it really touched my heart. He also talked about how we were all given talents and skills, but using them idly or for ourselves is wasteful and we will be punished for that. I always knew I wanted to do something with music and I always had an interest in going to South Africa, but at camp I was praying and God put an idea on my heart. As I have thought and prayed more about it, it has become clear to me that at this point in my life, I know what i want to do when I grow up.

My goal is to go to college and minor in music. I want to play at shows and put my music out there until I can get a good fan base. I want to incorporate Christ into my music and share the gospel at my concerts. I know that no worldly person goes into Life Way Christian Book Store looking for music, so i want to be on a secular label in order to reach a larger range of people.

After I have enough of a fan base, I want to move to South Africa and help or start an orphanage there. I can have benefit concerts and use the money I make to help the children there who may be suffering with malnourishment, aids, or other problems. My goal in this is to not only draw attention to God, but draw attention to places in our world that people are afraid to go to.

I have prayed about these thoughts and decisions a lot and I am at a point of peace about it, but i know that God is God and His plans may be very different from mine. I will sit back and watch how we works to use me to bring glory to Himself.

I am so thankful that God looked on me with enough favor to allow me to grow closer to him this year. He allowed me to go through little trials in order to reveal Himself to me in little ways. This is something I am extremely unworthy of, but eternally grateful for. I am so thankful that at this time in my life, God is there with me in all of my decision making, and I don't have to go through it alone.

My parents

Growing up I have learned that one of the most important things a person will ever do is learning to "count his blessings." I personally have numerous blessings that sometimes go unnoticed and get taken for granted.

Two of the biggest blessings God has given me are my mom and my dad. Growing up in a Christian home can be a blessing or a curse, depending on what you do with it. Most of the time growing up in a christian home can turn children away from Christ because their parents are hypocritical and do not live what they talk. Thankfully God blessed me with parents who have not only taught me about the path of righteousness but they have been strong leaders to that very path.

They have reflected Christ to me in their own special ways, and I would like to share some of them in this entry. My dad has taught me how to forgive, how to be patient, and how to show love.

I can not remember a time in my life when I felt like my dad did not love me. Growing up, even when I was getting in trouble, he would always pray with me after and tell me that he cared. He has always been the first person to forgive me, and there has never been a time when I had to forgive him.

His patience is remarkable as he deals with not only me but other people that probably deserve his anger, but will not receive it. Ever since I was little I have called my dad my friend, and even though I don't always know how to show him, I listen to every word he says as if he were my best friend. My prayer is that we will be best friends forever.

My mom has taught me how to perservere, comfort, and do more for others that she ever does for herself. I have seen my mom go through so many trials and hardships in her life. Whether it was the loss of a loved one or hurtful situations with friends and family.

Through her actions she has shown that the correct response to these situations is not pretending like they do not hurt, but knowing that they hurt and choosing to press on regardless.

When I am in a situation where I need comfort and consolation, she is the first person I go to; because I know that she understands what it's like to be in pain, and she will be there to cry with me and hold my hand until it is over. Her nurturing spirit has helped me on numerous occasions, even when she had no idea.

She is always either doing work, writing someone a thank you note, or cleaning something. She very rarely takes a break from this without someone telling her to. I believe that if anyone deserves to take some time off for themselves, it is my mom. Through this, she has shown me the truth that there really are more important things in life than yourself. She gave up things that she loved doing like puzzels and painting so that she could be a stay at home mom and raised us the way God called us to be raised.

Both of my parents have let pieces of their lives go so that they could be a bigger part of my sibling's and my life. I am forever grateful that God has given me, I believe, the greatest blessing of all.

Summer Camp '10

This past week my youth group went to a summer camp in South Carolina. The camp itself was very big with a lot of different activities that we could choose from. They had a big lake, hummer rides, horse back rides, trails to hike on, and a giant zip line. All of these activities were spread out over hills and valleys, so no matter what we wanted to do, we had to do quite a bit of walking to get to it.

The first day we were there, some of the senior girls and I went into the lake. The water was so muddy that it turned our hair brown and died our bathingsuits...needless to say, the lake was not as appealing in the days to follow.

Another thing that was not very appealing was the infestation of bed bugs. Every morning I woke up with new itchy bug bites covering my body. Even now that I am home from camp I am finding them in new places. Now I will take people a lot more seriously when they tell me not to let the bed bugs bite!

After the first night of sleeping with the bugs, we woke up and chose how we would spend our day. most of the camp did some of the activities that the camp offered, especially the hummer rides. My friends and I decided that we wanted to preform a lip syn on the last night, so we spent most of our free time practicing for that. A lip sync is basically when you get up on stage and a song by a different person starts playing, and you pretend to be playing or singing it. We had a very short time to reherse ours, and we wanted it to be good. It is our last highschool summer camp, after all, we had to leave our mark! We chose a fun and up beat song and basically made ourselves look like idiots dancing to it. We all had so much fun and were so glad we decided to do it.

The rest of the days it thunderstormed so no one really went outside. When it was not raining it got up to 102 degrees outside, so not a lot of people did the outdoor activities. Even in the short time when I was outside, the sun left it's mark on me. My camp souveniers this year were sun burn and bug bites, but I still managed to enjoy the week very much and i cannot wait for winter camp!

Rita's(:

Rita's Italian Ice is a cute little custard and ice shop that started in Philidelphia and made its way down south. North Carolina has been one of the first southern states to acquire a Rita's, and it is spreading as fast as ice can melt.

Rita's opened in 1968 by a man who set out to discover how to make the perfect Italian ice. He started with only two flavors, cherry and lemon and named the shop after his wife, Rita, to whom he dedicated the shop. How do I know so much about Rita's? I work there! In fact, it happens to be my first job and it has been such a fun experience.

I show up to work and the first thing I do is wash my hands. Then, I usually check to make sure we have enough spoons, wash rags, straws, cookie pieces, hand sanitizer, napkins, etc. Once I have restocked, my job moves to making sure the front of the store has been swept and the tables have been cleaned. Rita's takes cleanliness very seriously. Who would want dust in their ice?

Every thirty minutes my duty is to pump the ice. This pumps the flavored juice that has sunk to the bottom back up and into the ice. We use a long iron rod with a circular end about the size of a canteloupe. The rod has little holes inside it that circulates the ice through it and separates any ice chunks that may have formed. This can be a hard job and it definately makes work more tiring, but fortunately works off the treats I get every day. The official line is, 'keeping the ice fresh and tasty is a top priority' . . . I am happy to do it.

My favorite treat to make is a Misto Shake. This is a smoothie made with the Italian ice blended with liquid custard. I love blending these and watching the custard as it mixes up through the ice and completely changes the color of this delicous drink.

The newest skill I've learned is how to use the cash register. However, I must admit that my least favorite thing to do is counting the money in my cash register drawer before I start cashiering. We have to do this to ensure that there is a certain amount of money inside when we begin, and then balance the beginning amount when we're done for the day. This way my boss can check and make sure they have the correct amount of money and if they don't - big trouble! This always makes me nervous because I have never been good at counting money and I mess up a lot . . . but I'm not a thief . . . K-ching!

Those are all my duties unless I work the night shift. On those nights I have the extra closing duties which include taking out the trash, cleaning the bathroom, sweeping, and mopping the entire shop (including the back room.) On my way out to the car I drop the trash in the dumpster and then I'm on my way home!

I am always tired when I get home, but I never dread going back to work the next day. Rita's is a wonderful job to have. I love my bosses, I love the smell of the ice; I love how laid back it is; I love the treats; and of course I love the customers!

Oh, and did I mention my yellow shirt?!

Perfection.

Perfection. Perfection is what this world strives for, lives for, and works to achieve. It is an expectation that we set for ourselves. It is also expectation that we will never attain. So much energy is spent trying to reach the bar, but we can only get so close before we are completely knocked down by a mistake.


Humans are like little ants running around convinced that they will become giant elephants if they take enough food to the colony. In the same way, we think that if we do enough good things we can finally reach the standard that we have set for ourselves. We think we will look more attractive than others, that we will master any work that we in which we are involved, and that we will never have arguments with other humans unless it is their fault. This outlook is attractive, but it is completely upside down.

Many times we find the person that we aspire to be and we work to emulate them. We miss the truth that even the people who seem to have it all together can be just as torn apart as we are. We all make mistakes and learn from them in our own different ways. We are a lot like colors which are unique but blend together to make a magnificent picture. If we were all the same, the picture would just be one color. Different colors are what make a picture beautiful and worth looking at, so don't blend in!

God is perfect and He created an imperfect world that needed to rely on Him. That was His perfect will. While we bustle around bringing food to our colonies there is a world spinning around us just waiting for us to take a break and find something that can truly satisfy our hunger. No matter how many meals we eat we will never be satisfied forever, because we are not self-sustainable. We are not perfect.

Many people realize this and decide that the world is a horrible place. Always working and never achieving sounds like a giant waste of time. This is because it is so easy to look for beauty in ourselves, but it will always be impossible to find it. Beauty in creation is right at our fingertips, but it is hard to take our eyes off of ourselves and find it. We are so busy thinking about the imperfections in us instead of looking around and seeing the perfection that God has created around us.

The world is beautiful and it is a gift. While we are in this world we cannot ever reach perfection, and we will never be satisfied; but the sun, the stars, the flowers, the oceans, the deserts; this is the creation that gives hope for future satisfaction. Life on earth can be disappointing, but we should not be convinced that it is pointless. It is filled with difficulties, but it will never be impossible. We are just here until we can finally see the day when false expectations of ourselves will be made true, and the goals that we have set will become reachable.

So here are a couple of tips. For once, instead of sitting inside and looking at a computer screen, or thinking about all the work there is to do; go outside! Sit down and look at the beauty that can be found there. There is no beauty in thinking about things that we will never accomplish, but there is beauty in seeing what has already been accomplished by the Lord.

Lastly, Next time you consider comparing yourself to the next guy, think about how much happier you would be if you learned to be who God created you to be. Do not be afraid to add your special color to the picture! God is pleased when you are working to be the person who He wants you to be. This will never be easy, and will always take work; but instead of trying to be "perfect" or trying to be "like her," just try to be who God wants you to be. That is a person who seeks His will and gives glory to Him in every situation.

Once you take your mind off of imperfections of your world and realize the perfection of God's world, you will find hope and encouragement. Yes, perfection is quite impossible for us; but perfection is not impossible for God! So I dare you... find God's perfection today. Whether it is in the beauty of His creation or the love shared between you and a dear friend. Find it and thank God for sharing His beauty with us.

Psalm 108:1-6

My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.

Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn.

I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.

For great is your love, highter than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens, and let your glory be over all the earth.

Save us and help us with your right hand, that those you love may be delivered.

Animal Sculpture

This year I am taking an art class with my good friend Amanda. Our teacher is a quirky, middle-aged mom who always finds fun projects for us to do. Over the past few weeks, we have been creating animal sculptures out of wire, newspaper, and clay. When the sculptures are complete they will be painted and then taken home to show our families. I was intrigued by the techniques that we used; I decided to write a short "how to.." to share them with all of you!

1. My animal choice was originally a fox, but when i finished this step it looked more like a pig. The body I made didn't have too much shape other than a large oval.Take thick wire and try to make a shape that somewhat resembls the shape of the animal's body.

2. Use the same technique for the head and all of the limbs. Try to show movement by putting one front and one back leg forward and the other two legs back as if the animal were walking. Also, create some sort of hip structure for the legs to attatch to so that they are more 3-dimensional than the body itself. If the legs are attatched diretly to the body, the creature will not be able to stand up because the space between each pair of legs will be too small. For the head, you can just tirn it to the side or face us to make the creature a little more interesting.

3. Next, fill the big wire shapes with newspaper pieces to give yourself a surface to put the clay on. Be careful of the amount of newspaper because if you put too much on, you won't have much room to add a lot of clay. When you have put your desired amount of newspaper throughout the large wire, wrap a smaller wire around the whole thing to keep the newspaper from falling out. You can use tape to keep the small wire from poking out if you need to.

4. Now it's time to add the clay! Technique depends on the type of clay, and in this case I would recommend using a soft, self-hardening clay. When using this you will want to wet your fingers because it makes fashioning the clay much easier. Once the clay is on you can wet it again and gently stroke it to make any changes.

5. Be careful to keep your eye on the bottom of the legs and the underneath of your animal; clay tends to not want to stick around those areas. If this happens, wet your fingers and gently caress the clay back together.

6. When you are satisfied with your animal, leave it out to dry for about a day, and then it is time to paint.

7. My class used oil paints. We did not paint realistically, but painted colorful patterns in stead. This is all a matter of your own creative tastes, painting is really up to you.

8. Enjoy!

With A Little Help From My Friends

If there is one thing that I have learned in my years of high school so far, it is the importance of friendship. The Bible talks about this beautiful relationship on many different occasions. Friends need to sharpen each other as iron sharpens iron, and a true friend will stick closer than a brother. This important relationship seems to be harder to find these days, because people are so concerned with their own wishes and well being that they do not know how to really care about someone else's. Once a friendship is formed, however, it is one of the hardst bonds to break. I have been blessed enough to find one of these almost impenetrable bonds during my first year of highschool.
About three years ago, I started my freshman year at a small private scohol in my hometown. I sat behind a girl named Sabrina in English class and every once in a while we would have a short conversation. On October 29th of that year, I invited her to my birthday party. I did not think she would actually show up since we were hardly friends, but she did! To this day I have not been able to figure out how we became such good friends after that time, but here we are three years later and she is one of the closest friends I have ever had. She is with me just about everywhere and almost all the time.
I have seen how important friendship is over the years as we have struggled and grown together, comforted and prayed for each other, and watched and learned from mistakes that we each have made over time. Sabrina has been and continues to be a beautiful addition to my life as she proves her thoughtfulness to me daily. I enjoy her company more than just about anything.
There are so many things Sabrina has done to make her all of thse things in my life. For instance, she "proves her thoughtfulness" by doing things like bringing soup to my house whenever I am sick and coming over at ten thirty p.m. just because I need somebody to talk to. We went to the beach together two years ago and I got a pair of sunglasses that I absolutely loved, but I lost them in the ocean! Six months later, Sabrina gave me the same glasses for my birhtday. She had to send the store pictures of me with the old ones on just to find what kind they were. She is always a phone call away when I need her and I am so thankful for that.
I have also realized that friendship can help prepare us for marriage. In our culture today, it seems like everybody believes that dating is the only way to train for this, but I disagree. In friendships you learn to be around another person a lot, and you learn to be patient when you would really rather be somewhere else. It teaches you to put another's desires before your own, and selflessly expect nothing in return. In order to be close friends with somebody, you must realize that nobody is pperfect. The other person will let you down and the will hurt you, time and time again; but when you love somebody, you do not love them despite their failures, you embrace their failures and love even more because of them.
God has blessed me with a wonderful friend that can sharpen me just like iron sharpens iron, and a girl that sticks closer than a sister. Since it is almost her birthday, I wanted to write about her to let her know just how much she means to me, and how much I have grown to love her.
Yes, I have learned the importance of friendship--and Sabrina is the one who taught me.

The Sleepless Child

The shingles are cold beneath her, and steady her clumsy steps.

The earth so still sends winter chills after the old sun sets.

She's told the roof is dangerous for such a little girl,

but the stars seem so much closer from this place above her world.

Behind the shadows of the woods she hears the owl's tune

She knew she should go back inside, but it was much too soon.

"Will I ever get to sleep?" she couldn't help but stop and think,

It had been years since she closed her eyes for more than a blink.

A long day past adds so much weight to those tired little eyes,

but the sparkling silver moon makes her lose all track of time.

The trees swayed back and forth as if they kept a beat,

and the dancing constellations sang the little girl to sleep.

Every night her father came into her room to say,

"Now close your eyes, and don't you peek, daddy's gonna pray."

He'd thank God for the lovely day that they had the chance to see,

And he would pray for a good night's rest, though he knew it wouldn't be.

But this night when he opened up her door and looked inside,

His little girl was not in bed, but it appeared she was outside.

The window had been opened so he creeped up knowing why,

His precious daughter always opened it for lullabies.

There he found her on the roof, she was quiet as a mouse.

Once again he saw the beauty that she saw from the top of the house.

His firm grasp quickly warmed her up as he brought her to her room,

He laid her gently in her bed and looked out at the moon.

"Thank you for that lullaby" he said with a warm smile.

"It seems you're the melody God sent to free my sleepless child."

Jenarity.

Everybody has a dream at some point in time. Between the ages of two and ten I dreamed of someday being a ballerina, a firewoman, a et, or a tooth fairy. Once I reached the age of eleven my dream shifted to wanting to be on Disney Channel someday. Just like the Disney Channel characters I admired most, I could make my world debut and within weeks I'd be a famous actress and musician. That dream lasted for about a year, until I realized that there was so much more to life than living for myself.



Around the age of twelve, I learned that dreams do not always become a reality. Even though I had the scene set, the curtain fell before I even got the chance to step on the stage. It was experiences like this that helped me learn that the "plans" that I had made were just failed attempts to control something that was never mine to control.



I learned that God was sovereign over every situation in my life and therefore, only He could be the director of my play. I was taught that the only dreams worth having are dreams that line up with the perfect will of God, because that is the only thing that will never fall short or disappoint.



I started writing songs around the age of six. Even though I no longer dreamt of being a character on Disney channel, something inside me could not erase the strong sense of peace and contentment I had when I played music. Through the years I always prayed that God would take away my desire for music if it was not the dream that I needed to have. Over the years the desire in my heart has only increased.



Recently, God has blessed me so much with the opportunity to put my musical desires to use by allowing me to record music with one of my best friends. We call ourselves "Jenarity". It is a combination of our names, Jenna and CHarity. Both of us know that we want to use the music that we make for God, because our music is from Him, and pretending that it is ours would be an incredible waste.



I could say that this is a dream come true, but at the end of the day I know it would be better titled an answer to prayer, a gift from God, and a blessing that I will never deserve. Praise God!

Psalm 16

I have set the Lord always before me.

Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;

My body will also rest secure.

Because you will not abandon me to the grave,

Nor will you let your Holy One decay.

You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy

In your presence with eternal pleasures at your right hand.