Some things just don't make senes.

1. We all have those walls built up. You know those walls that they write songs about? The walls that you tell people about when you want them to feel sorry for you? The walls that you sit around and feel sorry for yourself about? The walls that you so badly want someone to break down when you know very well that you are the only one with the power to do that? It's like we hate having the barriers keeping us away from people, but we feel like if we break them down ourselves it would just be making it too easy for everyone else. Too easy for them to waltz right in, take anything good we have in us, and walk out unscathed. But maybe it is more like, we just feel like we need people to prove themselves to us. Forget the whole "trust someone until they give you a reason not to". No, now it's "make someone work their tails off over and over again to prove to you something that you will never fully believe because you are too insecure and prideful to let somebody in without a hitch. How do insecurity and pride go together? Some things just don't make sense....and i fight it.


2.I've never come home from a soccer game and gone to sleep. Usually I get in the car feeling like I'm literally going to die of exhaustion, but by the time I get out of the car there is so much adrynaline that i could probably climb mount everest if payed enough money. You know what really exhausts me? Things that take no physical exersion what-so-ever. Like a long car ride, or a long day in a doctors office. I just sit there for hours, and yet I come home feeling like i really did just climb mount everest. It doesn't make sense... but i embrace it.


3. I plan out so many 'perfect moments" in my mind. This usually takes place when my mind is idle as i begin to fall asleep. I begin picking out the outfit I will wear when the event will take place. I then pick the perfect co-star in that specific days' thoughts. I decide Where we will be, what will be said, and what events push us into the perfect moment. Then there we are. But you know what? I've had a few moments that I could call perfect. I've found love in someones eyes. I've been close enough to another person to feel that solid heartbeat that reminds me that there is something bigger than both of us inside that body and it is undeniably strong. I've heard the words that everyone longs to hear from someone but better yet I have seen people all around me prove them to be true. And all of these things have occured in perfectly imperfect and not so magical moments. They have happened while laying in a bed too sick to move, or standing outside at two in the morning when it's too dark to even see a "perfect moment" unfold....So what's the point in planning these so called moments when they are always better when they are unexpected? It doesn't make sense..but i love it.